Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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