I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I want a musical about memes.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
