Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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