As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
