Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
