Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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