I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My liver just broke up with me...
that's an acceptable place to lick
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
