My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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