you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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