cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
