I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
