I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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