maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
