I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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