and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
