so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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