Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
do nipples grow back?
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