I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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