some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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