the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
