So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think im going to throw up on grandma
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
How naked do you want me to be?
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