No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
