Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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