any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
