awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
