the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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