i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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