I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
This is my gift to your gina
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
