Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
