I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
