Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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