He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
