after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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