Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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