I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize