dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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