I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
