I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
