I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
