it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
