i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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