I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
