1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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