thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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