"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
