I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
