did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
