Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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