Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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