and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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