well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
