Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
