you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
