Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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