Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
