I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
