a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
