so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
