I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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