Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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