Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
