We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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