Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
two words: eviction party
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
