also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize