Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
