We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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