is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
