I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
