Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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