He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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