How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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