Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
