Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
