no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
