i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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