i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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