if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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