My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
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