She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
