i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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